Thursday, November 7, 2013


I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

As humans, we fear the oddest things. Normal every day things turn into long words I can't pronounce, not to mention spell. They are listed from A. - Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place. All the way to Z. -
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. Some are rediculous are their names. But to one pearson the word means shakiness, high pulse rates and sweaty palms. Some are simple. Being afraid of falling and getting hurt when no one is home to help you can be very real. Mothers fear choking hazards. It's strange that fears we face every day simply become a part of our lives, we learn, if not to over come them, then to live with them. I fear simple things. Failure, being average, zombies, snakes and falling. The snakes are a pretty big fear. But I've learned to live with it more than any other. Its irrational, but manageable. But one thing above all others. One thing reduces me like nothing. 
I fear being burned alive.
 Watching documentaries about volcanoes. Uhg. Watching photographers walk near molten lava and my brain starts frying and my pulse jumps. Standing to close to a bonfire and I feel sick.
Perversely I'm a bit of a pyro. I attribute this to the fact that I'm still trying to conquer this fear bu pushing my boundaries.
But if you ever thing you'll see me as a tourist on Hawaii, think again. That is one tourist desitination I have absolutely no desire to see. I have zero need to see molten rock up close.
I had nightmares for WEEKS over this scene. A small part of me thinks that really pathetic. I mean, I watched the documentary on super volcanoes and I got all shaky and ill. Who else does that? There is no RATIONAL reason I should feel this way. I've never been badly burned. I don't fear the fire, I fear it consuming me. I wouldn't be at all surprised if I learned I'd died in a fire during a past life. Was I part of the Salem witch trials or the inquisition? I'm a witch now, I'm going to assume I was one then. Did my soul die in fire? I'll never know. For now I'll just have to live with it.

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