Friday, November 8, 2013


Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they're falling like
they're falling in love with the ground.
― Andrea Gibson
I have a traveling cat. Its weird. I know. He loves car rides and walkies on his leash, not to mention bike rides in his basket. Its something I try to do with him at least once a week if I can. Usually it's just a trip to PetSmart. Sometimes we go for walks in the park or a quick ride around the block. It's gotten a bit brisk though for most of that. But today we braved the chill and made the trek to Napperville. The day dawned with sun, but quickly migrated to chilly winds and overcast. We bundled up though. I took him to Two Bostons pet boutique for the first time. He loved it. The stairs, the smells, the sweet watering fountain. We picked up two new treats. Little fishies from Yeooww cat nip. In true Aedin fashion he loved the bag way more.
We had a bit of fun trooping around the little downtown area. BK Jewelers welcomed us in out of the cold for a chat and Aedin met her little pom Molly. We stopped in a couple other pet friendly stores, and I mad a dash into Starbucks for a pick me up. I have to thank the gentleman that didn't make me leave Aedin outside. Although I did step out while they made my order. They weren't too pleased but they at least make me my salted caramel hot cocoa. Mmmmm. Heaven.  
We meandered down to the riverwalk, which was bare of people. He walked calmly along the rail.
till he saw them.
Them. The kyakers.
I laughed, but he flattened and stared.
He was NOT happy and could not figure out what the weird flightless birds were on the river. It seemed to signal the end of our day, we walked back to the car after that.

It was the perfect day off with my little man. I didn't get the laundry done, or the dishes. But we had fun and enjoyed our time together. His life will be all to short. I want every moment to matter. As I type this he's sleeping in the empty serving tray on my desk.
That I keep empty. Just for him.


Thursday, November 7, 2013


I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.

As humans, we fear the oddest things. Normal every day things turn into long words I can't pronounce, not to mention spell. They are listed from A. - Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place. All the way to Z. -
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat. Some are rediculous are their names. But to one pearson the word means shakiness, high pulse rates and sweaty palms. Some are simple. Being afraid of falling and getting hurt when no one is home to help you can be very real. Mothers fear choking hazards. It's strange that fears we face every day simply become a part of our lives, we learn, if not to over come them, then to live with them. I fear simple things. Failure, being average, zombies, snakes and falling. The snakes are a pretty big fear. But I've learned to live with it more than any other. Its irrational, but manageable. But one thing above all others. One thing reduces me like nothing. 
I fear being burned alive.
 Watching documentaries about volcanoes. Uhg. Watching photographers walk near molten lava and my brain starts frying and my pulse jumps. Standing to close to a bonfire and I feel sick.
Perversely I'm a bit of a pyro. I attribute this to the fact that I'm still trying to conquer this fear bu pushing my boundaries.
But if you ever thing you'll see me as a tourist on Hawaii, think again. That is one tourist desitination I have absolutely no desire to see. I have zero need to see molten rock up close.
I had nightmares for WEEKS over this scene. A small part of me thinks that really pathetic. I mean, I watched the documentary on super volcanoes and I got all shaky and ill. Who else does that? There is no RATIONAL reason I should feel this way. I've never been badly burned. I don't fear the fire, I fear it consuming me. I wouldn't be at all surprised if I learned I'd died in a fire during a past life. Was I part of the Salem witch trials or the inquisition? I'm a witch now, I'm going to assume I was one then. Did my soul die in fire? I'll never know. For now I'll just have to live with it.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013


Around this time of year I hear a LOT of crap about halloween. Usually I laugh. Mostly I facepalm. Like most old world holidays that have been over taken by Catholicism and Consumerism I find my joy in the little things. To most of you Halloween is just a day to dress up, get candy and decorate your house. Eric hates decorations but puts up with it for me. He does like the candy part. And that's totally fine. Our economy turns on money, they market costumes and candy and you all buy it up. I buy some of it too.
Ok, I'm getting off track here.
My point is we don't celebrate Halloween, even though we take part in some of the consumerism (because, DUH It's Fun!), We or I should say I celebrate Samhain. So let me educate you a little.

"Those gone before, you who wish me good, hear me; guide and guard me, and when the time comes, greet me. You are neither blind nor deaf to this life I live; you did yourself once share it. I come to you in love and trust. I seek to honor you.
Ancestors, you who came before us and were the roots of our line, we ask you to come again into our lives so that we may share in your wisdom and love.
Beloved friends who went before us, we ask you to come again into our lives so that we may once again laugh with you and stand strong together through turmoil.
Dearest children who have gone before us, we ask that when you are ready to be reborn you find happiness.
The wheel of the year turns, and as we pass through the darkness together, we ask that the memory of love stay strong and that we can treasure each time that we are together, whether in this life or another." Source

Samhain is the second oldest European holiday in the world. Which humans have been celebrating for over Six THOUSAND years.
Samhain was originally celebrated in the United Kingdom, ie. Ireland, Scotland and Wales. It is midway between solstices, so it is celebrated as the end of summer and the beginning of winter, the darker half of the year. This is when cattle and livestock were brought in from outer fields. The weakest were slaughtered for winter. This is the time that the Celts acknowledged the beginning and end of all things. The acknowledged that the veil between our world and the others were thinner. Our ancestors were closer to us then and could be called for advice, guidance and help. Or in the case of today, just remembered. Where do you think our Guardian angels came from?

It was also a time when the Old Ones were free to Roam. This is the origins of tricks and treats. Farmers would place carved turnips with candles in them to scare them. Offerings were left on doorsteps to placate the visiting spirits and fae. Hence Trick or Treat. Obviously a LOT has happened to the holiday between now and then. But rest assured Witches are NOT hiding razors in your kids freaking candy. And the next time someone calls you a bad mom for letting your kids partake in evil. You can tell them that the new Consumerist halloween isn't evil, and neither is its roots. It's just different.

So go forth! Spread fun and cheer. But remember, it's not just free candy day. It really is a religious Holiday. So don't be a jerk.

Monday, September 30, 2013


You've all seen Aedin around here, if you follow my Instagram you see him a LOT. He's my baby and I adore him. Which is way last Thursday I took the time to take him to the lake, just a few minutes from our house. He was in Curious Cat heaven. We explored trees, new grasses, flowers and rubbed his little fat head on every thing in Sight.

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.”
Albert Camus

We spent time loafing and just enjoying all the beautiful sights, the softly golden leaves not yet shed, the crispness in the air and the lapping of the waves. It was truly beautiful, and I was reminded again of why I love Autumn ever so much.
Damn right he walks on a leash.  How are you enjoying this season?

Saturday, August 31, 2013


Guys. Confession time. I look like an idiot running on a treadmill. I mean. Seriously. I tend to walk where I look and when you're on a moving piece or rubber and machinery, those combos do not mix well.

THIS is what I fell like I look like.
 REALITY. Thou art a harsh mistress.
Although, I'd never be so freaking dumb as to RUN IN HEELS. /facepalm/.

Friday, August 30, 2013


I've always been conscientious of what goes in my body. As a kid I didn't eat butter, mayo, salad dressing or sauce. Then I discovered how GOOD they taste on food. I was also Super active in my early 20's. Walking 10 miles to my dad's office downtown and then home. No big whoop. Car outta gas? I'll walk to the store. Damn, we missed the buss, lets walk home. It didn't matter as much them because I was also a starving college artist. The few calories I managed to eat was FAR outweighed by how many hours I was on my feet. My once a month Starbucks didn't even make a dent in my intake.
Cue Marriage.
Holy Shit I can make real food.
I hadn't needed to balance and watch my intake in so long. I forgot how. Oh, she was still in there.

But she was quiet. To quiet. In the first couple years of Marriage we traveled. A LOT. And the girl who ate fast food maybe two or three times a year suddenly ate it two or three times a WEEK. I also went through some serious Homesickness and developed constant migraines. Migraines led to laying in bed with the blinds closed and the lights off for days. I gained weight. Then more weight. I finally started noticing what I was putting into my body. I worked out a little... but not enough. The gym on base was Intimidating! I was scared, young and unsure of myself for the first time in a very very long time.
When we moved up here to Illinois we made a HUGE change, but there were months where I still ate very little, and most of it processed. Buying fruits and veggies was Expensive, and they went bad faster than we could eat them.
Finally After almost Four years of Marriage, I've gained 50 Pounds. Far more than the "freshman 15" I weigh in at 160 now.
Guys that's really hard to type. Even though I knew I was underweight when we married I liked how I LOOKED. It wasn't healthy but I thought I was happy. It has been a Constant inner battle to listen to that voice inside of me. Telling me to be Healthy and Happy.  Occasionally I still shut her up with oreos. But usually its only a couple. Not the whole damn thing in two days.
Monday we also joined a gym. We also paid in advance, so I don't feel like I'm wasting money every month that could have been spent elsewhere. Because it's already paid for. For a year. I'm not stressed about it. And while I'm uncomfortable on a treadmill I'm happy in this gym. It's a "Judgement free zone". Its open 24 hours, so I can go after I get off work. Or choose a time when the least amount of people will be there to watch me. I'm SUPER awkward on the treadmill.

Also, now that we have a few things paid off and we're both making a bit more, we have more money for actual FOOD. There still a few frozen items in the freezer, a pizza for emergencies, a thing of fish sticks. But they are moderately healthy. There's more real food than processed crap. Frozen berries and chicken in freezer bags waiting for the grill. I'm happy with where I am going.

We still eat out sometimes, though nowhere near as often. Since we are saving money. I'm not afraid to eat a burger or a steak. Though I order water now, instead of several glasses of soda. The other night at the gym, I realized I was Happy. Actually happy to be running awkwardly on a treadmill in a gym. Because every time I looked down to get my bearings I saw No Critics in big bold yellow letters.

Guys, I have a long road a head of me. I've buried the girl who could clean 125 easy, who could warm up with what some guys maxed at. Who didn't balk at walking 12 miles for fun, to chat with a friend. She's been buried under cookies, guilt and marketing ploys. But she's fighting. She'll be back. Healthier. Better. Stronger. Most of all, Happier.

Now I just have to not fall off...